Victims of Narcissistic Abuse often feel isolated, confused, damaged, worthless, exhausted, withdrawn, lonely and these are only some of the effects of having a Narcissist in your life.
This page offers support and recovery methods for moving on from your Narcissist.
What is a Narcissistic Personality Disorder?
NPD is a pattern of selfish, self-centred and egotistical behaviour that is destructive to those around them and will have huge effect on their lives.
You may find NPD in a parent, grandparent, partner, sibling, friend, co-worker or boss.
We all have (or should have) some self-love which is not the same thing. Narcissist go out of their way to hurt others to make themselves feel better. Their egotistical behaviour always put their own needs before anyone else, no matter who they are to the Narcissist. They have no empathy for others. They tend to have quite addictive personalities and can be very calculated in ensuring they get what they want. They go out of their way to crush/ruin/hurt their victims.
In many cases it leads to post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).
It’s very hard to spot a Narcissist straight away because they present a different person when you first get to know them. This is why you are left questioning if you are the one going crazy or if you are the problem? You’re not. This is all part of their plan. People who have NPD do not think they have anything wrong with them so will not get help. They have no interest in changing and no matter how many times they promise, they won’t change, it’s all part of their act of hoovering you in again.
NPD cannot be cured.
I can’t say thank you enough to Emma Davey for creating a safe space to talk about narcissistic abuse. Up until this year I didn’t even know other people were going through the same things I was being put through. The support group she created is something I never knew I needed. I’ve met like minded people and it’s like a family we have now.
Emma’s style of therapy is so unique and I haven’t met someone who has helped me like she has. She truly cares about helping us and goes above and beyond to make sure she gives us the tools we need to succeed. I love my time with Emma I don’t know what I’d do with out her.
JenniBefore Emma introduced me to the world of narcissism, I believed my relationship was just your normal bickering relationship. Since joining VONA, and speaking to individuals in a group environment about my experiences, I realise now it was not. I struggle daily with a number of personal issues as a result of a 5-year narcissistic abusive relationship & the support of the VONA group has really made me see my life in a better way.
I feel more self-belief and now the feeling of gaining back my life after three years post abuse rather then living in the shadows of a ex-partner struggling with what to do next. VONA has shown me several different experiences but also shown me how similar patterns are and how serious this abuse is.
I would highly recommend anyone with limited self-confidence to join the VONA family to help with any struggles, whether it’s a friend, family or relationship that’s is draining your energy, to join and speak about your experiences. It is a family and a very strong one who welcomes anyone non-judgemental & listens when you feel no one else will
RebeccaAre you a Victim?
Sometimes we do not even realise we have been abused. We have that gut instinct telling us that that something is not quite right, but putting your finger on one specific thing can be hard. Narcissists have many different faces. At the beginning you feel like you have met the most incredible person, your soul mate. They have all the same interests as you and like everything you do and plan the future you have always dreamed of – this is called future faking and mirroring. Narcissists watch and listen to everything you say and pretend they are the same. You fall in love with yourself. The love bombing stage is where they hook you in and push your boundaries to see how much you will take. They will flatter you with affection, gifts, compliments and before you know it, they have told you they have fallen in love with you.
Narcissists are very quick movers they want you under their spell quickly. Due to this stage being all an act, it’s very exhausting for them to be so nice all the time. Once they know they’ve got you where they want you, they then start to control and manipulate you into being who they want you to be. Their mask starts to slip, you start to see their true colours.
You may notice small things at first, such as them going through your phone, checking your social media and questioning who you are friends with and why. Narcissists are very clever and plant seeds in your head to make you question yourself and your beliefs. They talk to you in a passive aggressive way, which starts making you doubt yourself. Before you know it your circle of friends starts to diminish, they have isolated you from your loved ones. You find yourself walking on eggshells around them to ensure you keep them happy. On the outside you are wearing a smile, but inside you are screaming. You start asking yourself who is this person and now and again the Narcissist will give a little glimpse of what they were like in the beginning, giving you hope that the amazing person is still there. This is where you have been trauma bonded.
You live in hope that they will return to the amazing person they showed you in the beginning and allow yourself to be put through hell just to have few moments of happiness. This is where you have become addicted to this type of “love”. When the Narcissist is nice to you and gives you affection you get a high (your fix) from it, which effects the same part of the brain as drugs or alcohol do, releasing chemicals making you feel good.
This cycle will continue, it never gets better. The Narcissist will then “gas light” you, pulling away and withdrawing all attention to you and leaving you to wonder that you’ve done wrong and you’ll experience very bad withdrawals. This is all part of their plan.
A Narcissist’s intention is to destroy you. They do not love you like you love them. Narcissists have no empathy and feel no remorse for how they treat you, in fact they feel entitled to treat you this way.
To a Narcissist you are their supply for validation, power and control, they need to feel validated and told how wonderful they are, which is why Narcissists are very rarely faithful in relationships, one person can’t give them all the validation and attention they crave because they are empty inside.
Before you know it, you are not the person you used to be, your identity has been robbed and you’re left wondering how you got here by the person who claims to love you so much.
Recovering from a Narcissistic relationship is extremely difficult but not impossible. As soon as the Narcissist feels you are getting stronger they will turn on the charm to hoover you back in, promise to change and before you know it you are back in the cycle of abuse. Narcissistic abuse is deadly, it can kill you!
In some cases Narcissists push their victims so much that one day the victim snaps and lashes out, resulting in the Narcissist being able to play the victim and make out it is in fact them that’s been abused to everyone on the outside. Narcissists are liars they will say and do anything to get their own way.
You may feel the following if you have been affected by a Narcissist:
- fear
- guilt
- grief
- panic
- Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
- denial
- anxiety
- agitation
- irritability
- depression
- self-harm
- intense anger
- apprehension
- suicidal thoughts
- emotional shock
- emotional outbursts
- feeling overwhelmed
- loss of emotional control
- withdrawn and isolated
- constantly walking on eggshells
- antisocial – wanting to hide from friends and family
- inability to rest and relax
- struggle sleeping
- Loss of appetite
- erratic movements
- change in social behaviour
- hyperalert to environment
- increased alcohol consumption
Congratulations on taking the first steps of recovery and beginning to learn what this type of abuse is and how it may relate to you.
Being part of this recovery group will give you the support, guidance and tools to recover properly and help you put healthy boundaries in place to protect yourself in the future. Long term abuse takes a long time to heal and we are here to help.
Join our Facebook Support Group
Victims of Narcissistic Abuse Support Group
